This is not how I expected to spend Christmas night
Sometimes poly bites, abundance then blight
A morning of eager kids, gifts and joy, together not apart
With a seeming lifetime of contentment, I depart
The afternoon spent lounging in love’s charm
Her fragile glances dance, enchant and disarm

This is not how I expected to spend Christmas night
Hunger, disappointment and loneliness fight
In the car, stopped cold before I could start
Inside my head and chokes off my heart
Dinner cancelled, no family, no chicken, no farm
Bitter is the taste, tears on wheel, on arm

This is not how I expected to spend Christmas night
Jealousy arrives fueled by fear of what may come to light
That casual turns serious then exclusive, yet another broken heart
“Doleo ergo sum…” I suffer, therefore I am, hey Descartes?
The past is not my present, nor future, it can do me no harm
“Cogito ergo doleo…” I think, therefore I suffer, Buddha’s alarm

This is not how I expected to spend Christmas night
Pain arrives, sorrow in tow, fear hangs on to the other’s delight
“Inoperable,” she says, “This is my last shot;” words impale my soul, penetrating darts
Completely lost in a sea of sorrow – no compass, no chart
Kill ‘em all! Attack the tumors now, before they rearm
I long to hold her close, hand in heart, cradled in my arms

This is not how I expected to spend last night
Holding body tight
Crying desiring rest
Emotion and distress